Mass Effect: Andromeda Review

Andy

The Mass Effect series is well-known for its indepth character interactions and player-driven story decisions, and Mass Effect Andromeda is no exception, allowing you to sleep with nearly every crew member aboard the Tempest during your excursion into the Milky Way’s closest galaxy.

Still Trying to Bang This Alien

I’ve never had sex with a real woman, so I assume the sexual interactions in this game are as close to real life as they can possibly get. I was very taken aback by how smooth my character was able to get into some alien panties, making the act of achieving coitus with another person seem so simple compared to my real life interactions.

I have never experienced the touch of a woman, human or otherwise

I once tried to have real life sex with a woman, but it didn’t go as well as it does in the game. In real life, there is no dialog option with a little ❤️ icon that I can use to automatically say the most charming, suave thing she’s ever heard. I’ve found that when I go up to women and ask if they will have sex with me in real life, it never ends up in the steamy way I picture in my head while I watch them from afar for up to hours on end.

I suppose there are other mechanics to the gameplay, but they’re boring in comparison to the sexual dialog and poorly animated polygon humping, so I won’t bother you with the details.

Overall, a great way to spend those very, very lonely Saturday nights.

Good

  • Tight controls
  • Tight alien pussy

Bad

  • Male on male sex--gross!
  • I want to see the brother and sister characters fuck
8

Great

Andy
Andy is an avid video game player, loves tacos and carries a lot of regret.

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