The hype surrounding Breath of the Wild was palpable and exorbitant, with everyone holding their breath, awaiting the reviews to see if it lived up to the hype.
I’m here to tell you… It did not.
While Breath of the Wild features some of the most innovative and immersive gameplay ever seen in a Zelda game, it sorely lacks where it really matters: Zelda and Link never hook up.
The span of the 50+ hour adventure will leave you with your balls as blue as Link’s tunic as you eagerly await the culmination of the most heated sexual tension since Trump and Hillary’s second debate. Repeatedly, the player is shown scenes of Link and Zelda overtly and obviously avoiding doing what everyone wants to see them do.
Overall, Breath of the Wild offered a lot of hype and little more. Perhaps they’ll patch in the sex scene we deserve in the future, but don’t hold your breath.