When I heard about the new movie “Uncharted 4: A Thief’s End,” I was really excited. I had seen the trailers, weirdly shown at E3 (I didn’t realize they announced movies at E3), and by the time the film was released on BluRay I was so excited.
At first I thought it was weird that the film was $59.99 MSRP, it was by far the most expensive BluRay I had ever purchased not counting my Star Wars series set–even the entire Extended Lord of the Rings trilogy was only $44.95 on Amazon right now. I figured hey, this movie has to be at least as long as LOTR then, so it must be worth it.
I put the movie in my PlayStation 4, which is my primary BluRay player, and started it up. After a really impressive opening scene on a boat, the film just had one camera angle behind the main character, Nathan Drake. It was a weird cinematic choice and I’m not entirely sure that I understand it.
I’ll admit, I never passed my college film course. There was this girl that I met in the class and well… Things got complicated.
Her name was Kylie. I knew she liked me, I could tell by the way she would glance at me during class. This went on for weeks. I would sit behind her a few rows, but off at an angle so she could easily look back at me. I would repeatedly make rapid glances at her about every 7-34 seconds, usually sweating profusely and awkwardly trying to hide and gently rub my erection at the same time.
One day, our eyes met, and let me tell you–she was into it. She blushed and turned the other way, I knew this was my chance. It was now or never. After class, she quickly bolted for the door and refused to make eye contact with me, it was out of character for her but I followed her as fast as I could. She noticed me, so she sped up–that little devil! She ran to the bathroom and tried to slam the door behind her, but I was able to put my foot in the door. I was red and sweaty, she was so turned on that she started screaming.
The next thing I know, campus police were rushing into the ladies room and I was kicked out of school.
It was all a huge misunderstanding, but the point of the story is that I never finished my film class. As such, I never really caught on to more artsy auteur filmmaking choices, like leaving a static camera at the back of a boat. The acting was equally strange, as the main character (played by Nathan Fillion I think) was just standing there at the wheel, getting shot by people chasing the boat. This went on for a long time. Eventually, the movie just went dark and the words “Game Over” appeared.
To be honest, I can’t really recommend this film. The unique artistic direction might have worked with some more exposition, but the film was just too experimental for my tastes.