Minecraft Review


I don’t play a lot of video games. Partly because I’m not very co-ordinated, and partly because I get too emotionally evolved and might give myself an aneurism. I mean you could get me to play pong, simple and relatively easy but the sheer intensity of not missing hitting that square ball on the screen is enough to make me feel like passing out. But sincerely, my biggest problem with video games is that I’m just not very good at them. So if I do play a video game it’ll have to be an easy one.

My boyfriend talked me into playing Minecraft with him a couple of weeks back. I didn’t know what it was but when I saw the cover of the game I thought ok. It looked like someone created the game in Microsoft Paint, and he said it was kind of like The Sims and you had to build stuff so I thought great! So we started playing it together. First, I didn’t like the fact that I couldn’t change my character. I was some ambiguous brown man. Apparently you can make new clothes the further you progressed into the game, which left me wondering if you could have a sex change too if you gathered enough supplies? I just wanted a girl character.

He said we needed to build shelter before night fall and set me off to chop some trees down. It was strangely therapeutic and I thought “hey this is actually fun” and I carried on adding to global warming in the world of Minecraft for about 10 minutes. I didn’t notice the sun setting… Then all of a sudden I hear this groaning noise like some pervert is standing outside our window. Then I get hit with arrows! Before I can even comprehend what’s going on it tells me that my character is dead and I respawn somewhere completely different and because it’s still dark and the perverts are still about I am killed again. Apparently there are skeletons, spiders, witches and zombies in this game! I die again and again about 9 times before I make my boyfriend take over my character so we both can meet up again. He had built a shelter to wait out the night in, and we were safe but the damage was done. I can never look at Minecraft the same way again. Behind the simple façade of playful innocence lay a traumatising cache of demons and ghouls. Which quite frankly are horrid.

All in all, I would recommend Minecraft to anyone, so long as you don’t have a minor heart condition.


  • It's like the Sims, you just gotta build stuff
  • It's easy


  • Zombies
  • The witches
  • Skeletons


I don't even play video games but I'm cute.

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